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If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you...

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up...

You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up...

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

,

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

,

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

,

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

,

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

You might be a redneck if ...the blue book value of your truck goes up...

You might be a redneck if ...the blue book value of your truck goes up...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...