Quotes by Chelsea Handler

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it...

#Chelsea Handler

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the...

#Chelsea Handler

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a...

#Chelsea Handler

...some of the best sex I can barely remember.

#Chelsea Handler

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I...

#Chelsea Handler

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' --...

#Chelsea Handler

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices,...

#Chelsea Handler

It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good...

#Chelsea Handler

Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably...

#Chelsea Handler

We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a...

#Chelsea Handler

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that...

#Chelsea Handler

He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the...

#Chelsea Handler