He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days out of the week.

Quote by Chelsea Handler

Topics: Chelsea Handler Quotes

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that...

The part that wasn't a jackpot was his baseball mound of red pubic hair that...

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many...

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many...

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a...

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a...

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' --...

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' --...

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last...

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last...

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion.

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound...

He was all emotion all the time, constantly talking about his feelings and his profound...

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices,...

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices,...

I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink...

I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink...

...some of the best sex I can barely remember.

...some of the best sex I can barely remember.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I...

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I...

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the...

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the...

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I...

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I...

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a...

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a...

Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably...

Men dont realize that if were sleeping with them on the first date, were probably...

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people...

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people...

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an...

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. Its the first time an...

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet...

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet...

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it...

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it...

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I...

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I...