When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute! What happened?' Tell them; 'B*tch, I got sexy, that's what happened.'

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

That awkward moment when you try to sing a duet with yourself.

That awkward moment when you try to sing a duet with yourself.

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

My 'check engine' light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and...

When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a...

When girls hack a friends Facebook account: 'I love you b*tch!' When boys hack a...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...

I named my hard drive 'That Ass' so once a month my computer asks me...

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in...

Sunglasses allow an individual to stare at people without them knowing. It is Facebook in...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk, and spoons...

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the...

Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the...

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on...

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on...

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...

Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you...

Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you...

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

Online dating is now like eating at Denny's thanks to photoshop, in person your order...

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact...

The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock this morning is the fact...