We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the…

Quote by Gene Perret

Topics: Funny Quotes, Jokes Quotes

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mothers singing.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mothers singing.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife....

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife....

It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by...

It is the privilege of posterity to set matters right between those antagonists who, by...

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him.

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...

'The will of the nation' is one of those expressions which have been most profusely...

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her...

A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her...

Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow...

Every schoolmaster after the age of forty-nine, is inclined to flatulence is apt to swallow...

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord,...

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord,...

Carrie: I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!...

Carrie: I just love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sets, the costumes. It's so romantic!...

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good.

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you...

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown...

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.