The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.

Quote by Quentin Crisp

Topics: Children Quotes, Funny Quotes

I don't hold with abroad and think that foreigners speak English when our backs are...

I don't hold with abroad and think that foreigners speak English when our backs are...

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the...

There are three reasons for becoming a writer: the first is that you need the...

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Sex is the last refuge of the miserable.

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms...

Though intelligence is powerless to modify character, it is a dab hand at finding euphemisms...

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed...

Vice is its own reward. It is virtue which, if it is to be marketed...

Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have...

Abatement in the hostility of one's enemies must never be thought to signify they have...

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps...

I simply haven't the nerve to imagine a being, a force, a cause which keeps...

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years...

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years...

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves...

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves...

If I were asked to describe the difference between the sexes in the gay world,...

If I were asked to describe the difference between the sexes in the gay world,...

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once...

In an expanding universe, time is on the side of the outcast. Those who once...

Vice is its own reward

Vice is its own reward

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

Men get laid, but women get screwed.

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman...

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman...

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves...

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we hold of ourselves...

The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as Soho poverty. It comes...

The poverty from which I have suffered could be diagnosed as Soho poverty. It comes...

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

Euphemisms are unpleasant truths wearing diplomatic cologne.

For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.

For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook.