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The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my...

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my...

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're...

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're...

Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

Most games are lost, not won.

Most games are lost, not won.

They say he's [Yogi Berra] funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a...

They say he's [Yogi Berra] funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a...

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

Most games are lost, not won.

Most games are lost, not won.

I stayed up last night and watched the Republican Convention all night long. I watched...

I stayed up last night and watched the Republican Convention all night long. I watched...

The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.

The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

See that fella over there? He's 20 years old. In 10 years, he's got a...

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting...

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting...

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been...

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been...

I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.

I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.

Oldtimers weekends and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're...

Oldtimers weekends and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they're...

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or...

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or...

You have to have a catcher because if you don't you're likely to have a...

You have to have a catcher because if you don't you're likely to have a...

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said...

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

GirlfriEND, boyfriEND, friEND, everything has an END except for famILY.

GirlfriEND, boyfriEND, friEND, everything has an END except for famILY.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

When I want a long ball, I spin my hips faster.

When I want a long ball, I spin my hips faster.