The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - to spew out paper.

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Constitution Quotes, Government Quotes

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when...

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant...

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part...

Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part...

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.

If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been...

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you...

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you...

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in;...

Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in;...

Girls have a bad habit of holding on too long but guys have a bad...

Girls have a bad habit of holding on too long but guys have a bad...