The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from the U.S. Constitution - to spew out paper.
Quote by Dave Barry
One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...
For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the...
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that...
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...
We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...
A program is a spell cast over a computer, turning input into error messages
There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
1996 also saw a huge expansion of the Internet, with many major corporations, afraid of...
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a...
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...
Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...
I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...
The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.