Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

I find myself having these conversations where I go...You know, the guy, in that place....

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage...

Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that...

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for...

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for...

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain...

I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child...

I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child...

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about...

We journalists... are also extremely impressed with scientists, and we will, frankly, print just about...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be...

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...