Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I...

I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I...

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part...

Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize,...

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are...

I care about our young people, and I wish them great success, because they are...

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire.

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to...

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take...

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it,...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally...