Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!

Quote by Dave Barry

Topics: Dave Barry Quotes

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

The problem with winter sports is that, follow me closely here, they generally take place...

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

The primary function of the government is - and here I am quoting directly from...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

Bill Gates is a very rich man today .. and do you want to know...

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads,...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for...

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be...

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be...

In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the...

In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West- the...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of...

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the...

To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the...

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that...

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that...

High technology has done us one great service: It has retaught us the delight of...

High technology has done us one great service: It has retaught us the delight of...

The time is always right to do what is right.

The time is always right to do what is right.