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My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel....

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel....

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's...

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's...

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and...

I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're...

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're...

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.