You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

Topics: Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you...

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's...

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel....

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel....

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family...

I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family...

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.

Nobody cares that youre smart and nobody cares that your kids dont have bruises.

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.

When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.

Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be...

Love is a gift of one's inner most soul to another so both can be...