I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Rita Rudner Quotes

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

Beer is good food

Beer is good food

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time...

The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called New Car Interior.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child....

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've...

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get...

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

One woman I was dating called and said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I...

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.