I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

Quote by Rita Rudner

Topics: Rita Rudner Quotes

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was...

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting...

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to...

Love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to...

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children...

Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new...

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're...

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Men who tell you they read the Ann Summers catalogue for the articles are lying.

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to...

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time...

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a...

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced...

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced...

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to...

Beer is good food

Beer is good food

I thought I would someday outgrow Ramen noodles. Man, was I wrong.

I thought I would someday outgrow Ramen noodles. Man, was I wrong.

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.

If your stomach disputes you, lie down and pacify it with cool thoughts.