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I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

That awkward moment when you try to sing a duet with yourself.

That awkward moment when you try to sing a duet with yourself.

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking,...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

If you try to watch the movie Titanic backwards...it's actually about a magical boat that...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...

No, I don't stop the microwave at 0:01 to feel like a bomb defuser...I stop...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in...

Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didnt make...

Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didnt make...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

I realized Facebook was a drug when I caught myself sneaking into the bathroom at...

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on...

Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on...

Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

If we all end up in prison one day for illegal music downloads, I can...

If we all end up in prison one day for illegal music downloads, I can...

Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you...

Apparently, the answer 'I know.' is not a good answer when your friend tells you...

Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop...

Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Calories are just little tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes...

Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of...

Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

Going to the toy store, pressing the 'TRY ME' button on a toy and it...

Im not the chick you spit your game to, Im the girl you give your...

Im not the chick you spit your game to, Im the girl you give your...

Thoughts when Im on my period: Ah, my vagina is falling off! I'm going to...

Thoughts when Im on my period: Ah, my vagina is falling off! I'm going to...

They want you to come to their self pity party, so they broadcast their discontent...

They want you to come to their self pity party, so they broadcast their discontent...