PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
Quote by Ambrose Bierce
Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine,...
Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored...
Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice.
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to...
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving...
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is...
(Love) A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.
Erudition - dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth...
I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are...
It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes...
When you doubt, abstain.
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.