One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Dreams Quotes

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

I can't think why mothers love them. All babies do is leak at both ends.

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

If you were to open up a baby's head -- and I am not for...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children. Now, I have...

They should make Mondays illegal.

They should make Mondays illegal.