My tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature informs me that you are troubled.
Quote by Captain Jack Sparrow
Dead Man's Chest Quotes
Jack Sparrow Quotes
The post office has a great charm at one point of our lives. When you...
Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone...
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
I was born in Alabama. I was raised in Georgia. I'm so Southern I'm related...
The question Who ought to be boss is like as Who ought to be the...
In an age in which the media broadcast countless pieces of foolishness, the educated man...
I was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one over...
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
Nothing makes me want a relationship to fail more than matching profile pictures.
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...
I wish my microwave had a 'stealth mode' so the people I'm living with don't...
Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.
Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.
Women are deep beautiful blue oceans and once a month its Shark week!
Families with babies, and families without babies are sorry for each other.
He who laughs, lasts.
I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every...