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Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my...

Hey, Mother! I come bearing a gift. Ill give you a hint: its in my...

Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: Sixteen. Quagmire: Eighteen? Connie: Mom! Quagmire:...

Quagmire: Hey there, Gorgeous, how old are you? Connie: Sixteen. Quagmire: Eighteen? Connie: Mom! Quagmire:...

I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver...

I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. Youre my silver...

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

Stewie: Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch.

All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you...

All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you...

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian:...

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, theres a message in my Alphabits. It says, Oooooo. Brian:...

Lois: Peter, why would they make you president? Peter: Maybe its because I can recite...

Lois: Peter, why would they make you president? Peter: Maybe its because I can recite...

Lois: Good, I dont have to cook. Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway,...

Lois: Good, I dont have to cook. Peter: Oh, no, go ahead and cook anyway,...

Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet? -Glen Quagmire

Hey, Meg, you eighteen yet? -Glen Quagmire

Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so...

Theres always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and its not so...

Peter: Cant we tell them that your mother died? Lois: Peter, Im not gonna lie...

Peter: Cant we tell them that your mother died? Lois: Peter, Im not gonna lie...

Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead....

Police blotter: We have a gang shooting on 3rd and Main. Three wounded, one dead....

I think the lesson here is, it really doesnt matter where youre from, as long...

I think the lesson here is, it really doesnt matter where youre from, as long...

Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please...

Dear McGyver: Enclosed is a paper clip, a rubber band, and a drinking straw. Please...

Guns dont kill people; dangerous minorities do. -Gun-rights advocate

Guns dont kill people; dangerous minorities do. -Gun-rights advocate

It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is...

It doesn't matter if you're black or white... the only color that really matters is...

Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin

Tonight theres a new reality show on Fox: Fast Animals, Slow Children. -Peter Griffin

Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness,...

Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya, but Daddy also loves Star Trek, and in all fairness,...

When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles...

When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonette up my nose, it tickles...

Ive sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, Im up to 11. -Baby Stewie

Ive sprouted another finger. Counting the one from yesterday, Im up to 11. -Baby Stewie