I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.

Quote by Stephen Wright

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One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

My friend has a baby, I am recording all the noises he makes so I...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I have a microwave fireplace in my house. The other night I laid down in...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Well, you know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far...

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow...

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old, they grow...

Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot...

Hold fast to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot...

In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. My garden of flowers is...

In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. My garden of flowers is...

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

Anyone who lies golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.