I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

Quote by Johnny Vegas

Topics: Johnny Vegas Quotes

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a...

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a...

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a...

I actually enjoy being heckled; it keeps it interesting, and I think it is a...

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone...

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone...

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when...

I trained to be a priest - started to. I went to seminary school when...

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the...

You can't be a proper comic unless you've been out on stage and felt the...

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

I've got too much respect for stand-ups to call myself one.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of...

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of...

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is...

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is...

This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the...

This autocue was obviously written for someone else and I've been brought in at the...

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for...

For the greater good, I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for...

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on...

My work's never been accepted by my family, but it's something I'll always carry on...

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This...

I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This...

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living...

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living...

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke...

Baldness is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke...

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts...

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts...

We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it...

We all have days where we can't pronounce things or give it the emotion it...

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow...

You can sway an audience if you win the women over. The gentlemen will follow...

There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything...

There's this idea that it has to be made in London. But we've got everything...

I use very few muscles at the best of times.

I use very few muscles at the best of times.