I turned down a movie this summer because it was nine weeks in Vancouver and my oldest daughter is 14. I've got four more summers with her. I'm not giving away nine weeks of her summer to go do a…

Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

Topics: Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're...

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're...

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not...

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not...

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year...

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked...

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

Getting married for sex is like buying a 747 for the free peanuts.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming...

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to...

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to...

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money,...

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money,...

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I know God is real. I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

I know God is real. I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is...

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just...