I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

Quote by Peter De Vries

Topics: Funny Quotes, Writers Quotes

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I...

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I...

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he...

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he...

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination...

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination...

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to...

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to...

Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie...

Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie...

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to...

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to...

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever...

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever...

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we...

We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we...

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually...

The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually...

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.

You can't have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.

If it seems like I've been lost in 'lets remember', If it seems I'm gettin'...

If it seems like I've been lost in 'lets remember', If it seems I'm gettin'...