I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.

Quote by Oscar Levant

Topics: Enemies Quotes

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

I think a lot of Bernstein - but not as much as he does.

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor - when you don't think of it...

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side.

So little time and so little to do.

So little time and so little to do.

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it...

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I'm a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

I'm a controversial figure: my friends either dislike me or hate me.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

I am no more humble than my talents require.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to...

A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to...

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.

I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath.

Hollywood - that's where they give Academy Awards to Charlton Heston for acting.

Hollywood - that's where they give Academy Awards to Charlton Heston for acting.

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in,...

Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start closing in,...