I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Quote by Carol Siskind

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Cooking Quotes

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

Does anyone here work in advertising or marketing? Well if you do, when you get...

Does anyone here work in advertising or marketing? Well if you do, when you get...

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is...

When Communist U.S.S.R. was a superpower, the world was better off. The right-wing media is...

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is...

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is...

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only...

It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only...

Why don't you climb down off the cross, take the wood to build a bridge,...

Why don't you climb down off the cross, take the wood to build a bridge,...

In all comedy there is something regressive that takes us back to the world of...

In all comedy there is something regressive that takes us back to the world of...

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

Oh yeah drugs, ya gotta have drugs.

Oh yeah drugs, ya gotta have drugs.

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." Thank God I'm strapped in...

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

I'm so sorry I fell down.

I'm so sorry I fell down.

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.

I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate.

I like health-conscious cooking, but growing up in the South, I do love southern cooking;...

I like health-conscious cooking, but growing up in the South, I do love southern cooking;...