I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

Quote by Carol Siskind

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Cooking Quotes

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.

I always approach comedy roles pretending they aren't funny.

Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of...

Why isn't my life like a situation comedy? Why don't I have a bunch of...

In all comedy there is something regressive that takes us back to the world of...

In all comedy there is something regressive that takes us back to the world of...

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith." Thank God I'm strapped in...

Dinosaur fossils? God put those there to test our faith.

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is...

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President because his morals are bad is...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

James Caan told me at the end of filming 'Elf' that he had been waiting...

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Why don't you climb down off the cross, take the wood to build a bridge,...

Why don't you climb down off the cross, take the wood to build a bridge,...

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

Oh yeah drugs, ya gotta have drugs.

Oh yeah drugs, ya gotta have drugs.

The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker:...

The qualities of an exceptional cook are akin to those of a successful tightrope walker:...

News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not...

News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not...