For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Quote by Jeff Foxworthy

Topics: Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip...

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls...

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of...

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of...

I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in...

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

I really don't require a whole lot in life.

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little...

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money,...

Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money,...

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a...

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to...

Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...

When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in...

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...

You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than...