Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.
Insult is powerful. Insult begets both rage and humor and often at the same time.
You are not broken and you do not need to be fixed.
A great step towards independence is good humored stomach
There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.
A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!
If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money
What can this piece of paper do; imagine?
To all the students who drop out and failed high school: Remember two things; 1)...
Prior to Wordsworth, humor was an essential part of poetry. I mean, they don't call...
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee....
I think the dying pray at the last not please but thank you as a...
A woman may develop wrinkles and cellulite, lose her waistline, her bustline, her ability to...
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted makeup. Forget the laughs, forget the...
The thing about For Better or Worse is the only thing that made me an...
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in...
'Love thy neighbor.' aka don't put a password on your damn WiFi.
Nothing is better than the unintended humor of reality.
The door that will no longer open is usually the one that you slammed shut.
We must select the illusion which appeals to our temperament and embrace it with passion,...
As an organizer I start from where the world is, as it is, not as...
The problem with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too...
Anytime a bird takes a crap on my car, I eat an entire plate of...