A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Quote by Garrison Keillor

Topics: Garrison Keillor Quotes

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

I think the most un-American thing you can say is, 'You can't say that.'

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far...

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far...

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar...

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar...

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering,...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering,...

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of...

You taught me to be nice, so nice that now I am so full of...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children...

Where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking and all the children...

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think...

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love...

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love...

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men...

That's the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men...

Black women . . . work because their husbands can't make enough money at their...

Black women . . . work because their husbands can't make enough money at their...

When I say, I love you, it's not because I want you or because I...

When I say, I love you, it's not because I want you or because I...