A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Quote by Marvin Kitman
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It...
We all have ability. The difference is how we use it.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges even when there are...
Have you seen my Kung fu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awsome!
Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat.
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold...
I've dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the...
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
You think it horrible that lust and rage Should dance attendance upon my old age;...
Everyone knows that by far the happiest and universally enjoyable age of man is the...
Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed...
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket....
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what...
If you go to war pray once; if you go on a sea journey pray...