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I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

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Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out...

An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

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An old man: You're Dr. House, aren't you? House: Oh God, don´t tell we used...

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

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Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied you can exchange it...

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.

The most memorable days usually end with the dirtiest clothes

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The most memorable days usually end with the dirtiest clothes

Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

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Santa Claus has the right idea : visit people only once a year

A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

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A jealous woman does better research that the FBI.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

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I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells.

Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

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Nun: Sister Augustine belives in things that aren't real. House: I thought that was a...

No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

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No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care

The nice thing about being honest is that you don't have any lies to remember...

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The nice thing about being honest is that you don't have any lies to remember...