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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

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Love the life you live. Live the life you love.

Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome

Isn't it strange how you're constantly reminded to be nice to everyone and not to...

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Isn't it strange how you're constantly reminded to be nice to everyone and not to...

Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger....

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Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger....

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain...

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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain...

If you think are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito.

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If you think are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito.

Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

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Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.

The worst thing about being lied to is realizing the person telling the lie doesn't...

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The worst thing about being lied to is realizing the person telling the lie doesn't...

Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job

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Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss's job

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...