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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

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Oh I offended you with my opinion?! You should hear the ones I keep to...

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

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Always have a friend with you on Christmas... who can take you back home when...

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

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You have 200. 194. 305 friend requests. I knew this Facebook thing was a bad...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

Stop thinking of fun and have it

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Stop thinking of fun and have it

The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

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The only problem with sleeping with strangers is.. they're strange

There's more to life than beer, but who cares

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There's more to life than beer, but who cares

When you're down Friends say: "If you need me, give me a call". Best friends...

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When you're down Friends say:

Lies don't end relationships. Usually the truth does.

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Lies don't end relationships. Usually the truth does.