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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

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In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland....

There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

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There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.

All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

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All I want is to find a guy like Ted who'll love me like Marshall...

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

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Golden rule: I do not buy dinner to get yes. Dinner's a very intimate activity....

A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

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A well tailored suit is to women what lingerie is to men

A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

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A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

"How are you going to feel when he sees you without any makeup?" "I'm not...

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

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There's three rules of cheating. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married....

The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

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The only 'B' word you should call a woman is 'beautiful' . Bitches love being...

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

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Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Tonight you and I We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky Eye to eye, so...

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Tonight you and I We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky Eye to eye, so...

You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to...

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to...

Remember you are beautiful, but keep in mind that not everyone's gonna be able to...

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Remember you are beautiful, but keep in mind that not everyone's gonna be able to...

A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

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A pretty face will always grow old. A nice body will always change with age....

Happiness is a journey. One day at time - this is enough. Do not look...

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Happiness is a journey. One day at time - this is enough. Do not look...

Simple is beautiful

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Simple is beautiful

Being respected by guys is more important than being beautiful in their eyes.

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Being respected by guys is more important than being beautiful in their eyes.

Just ‘cause you’re beautiful that doesn’t mean that you can treat people like they don’t...

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Just ‘cause you’re beautiful that doesn’t mean that you can treat people like they don’t...

In a relationship there's two people. Then, there's always one little bitch who can't count.

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In a relationship there's two people. Then, there's always one little bitch who can't count.

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

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And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could...

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

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The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11...

Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think...

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Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think...