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I swear it wasn't me.. unless it was a good thing then I did it twice
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Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
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The only reason I'm fat is because a tiny body couldn't store all this personality.
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The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
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Dear kids of all ages, Santa is coming after a short break
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Everyone I know is getting married or pregnant. I'm just getting more awesome
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Galaxy's centre tastes of raspberries and smells of rum, say astronomers.
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Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
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Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your...
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If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?
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Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who work...
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