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Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company

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Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company

Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away

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Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

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I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a...

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The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a...

Always keep your beautiful imagination & exquisite humor

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Always keep your beautiful imagination & exquisite humor

I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

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I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on...

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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on...

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you...

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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you...

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

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Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and...

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and...

Reality continues to ruin my life

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Reality continues to ruin my life

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

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When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

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Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you.

You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

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You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

A lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained.

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A lesson taught with humor is a lesson retained.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in...

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Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in...

It may be that those who do most dream most

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It may be that those who do most dream most

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration

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Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration