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I love mankind, it's people I can't stand

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I love mankind, it's people I can't stand

What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

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What's the good of living if you don't try a few things?

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

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Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...

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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to...

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Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to...

Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.

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Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint

You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

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You here to finish me off, Sweetheart?

Never memorize something that you can look up.

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Never memorize something that you can look up.

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.

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Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to...

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A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to...

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

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I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.

Reality continues to ruin my life

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Reality continues to ruin my life

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you...

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Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from...

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The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from...

Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through...

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Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through...

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a...

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The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a...

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

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I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Happiness is a direction, not a place.

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Happiness is a direction, not a place.