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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

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Laughing at your own mistake can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s mistakes can...

The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

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The reason people use crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.

We go together like copy and paste

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We go together like copy and paste

New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

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New Year New Girlfriend New Problems.

Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Come out of the closet and still be awesome CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...

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I've got six kids. I'm not done. I'm going to keep having kids until I...

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

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If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If...

Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

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Dear Santa, if you leave a new bike under the tree, I will give you...

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn...

The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

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The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

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Sometimes I pretend to be normal. but it gets boring so I go back to...

After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

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After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say I want...

Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

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Only 3 types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk and the angry.

If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

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If my Valentine you won't be, I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just...

A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

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A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted

I made me laugh

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I made me laugh

Someday love will find you.

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Someday love will find you.

Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow...

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Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone's bad qualities because they somehow...