They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Quote by Garrison Keillor

Topics: Funerals Quotes

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.

The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.

The funniest line in English is Get it? When you say that, everyone chortles.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...theres...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...theres...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad...

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and...

Being Lutheran, Mother believed that self-pity is a deadly sin and so is nostalgia, and...

God writes a lot of comedy-the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors...

God writes a lot of comedy-the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors...

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning...

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A book is a gift you can open again and again.

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy...

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy...

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love...

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love...

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it's time to...

It (The New York Times) reads like it was edited by two elderly sociologists, one...

It (The New York Times) reads like it was edited by two elderly sociologists, one...

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking,...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering,...

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering,...