I invented the cordless extension cord.

Quote by Stephen Wright

Topics: Jokes Quotes

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped...

Boy, life takes a long time to live

Boy, life takes a long time to live

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he...

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I've been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint,...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said,...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier,...

When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier,...

In painting, as in the other arts, there's not a single process, no matter how...

In painting, as in the other arts, there's not a single process, no matter how...