Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what...

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what...

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him...

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...

A lot of folks are still demanding more evidence before they actually consider Iraq a...