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NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

If I wanted to have wooden sex with strings attached I'd get married. In reference...

If I wanted to have wooden sex with strings attached I'd get married. In reference...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is...

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is...

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the...

The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

NEW RULE: 'Kidiots' Leave the children behind. At least until they learn something. A new...

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying...

It's all been satirized for your protection.

It's all been satirized for your protection.

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be...

I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be...

Men are only as loyal as their options

Men are only as loyal as their options

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and...

I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and...

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something...

This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something...

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to...

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to...

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit.

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit

Suicide is man's way of telling God, You can't fire me - I quit

Fire is never a gentle master

Fire is never a gentle master

Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.

Fire is the test of gold; adversity, of strong men.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and Im not sure about the...