Don't bother me at work...unless cake is involved.

Topics: Funny Quotes, Work Quotes

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

The best time to make friends is before you need them. Ether Barrymore

The best time to make friends is before you need them. Ether Barrymore

A great many things have been pronounced untrue and absurd, and even impossible, by the...

A great many things have been pronounced untrue and absurd, and even impossible, by the...

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what...

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of...

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of...

If you think Independence Day is Americas defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title,...

If you think Independence Day is Americas defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title,...

The awful daring of a moment's surrender which an age of prudence can never retract.

The awful daring of a moment's surrender which an age of prudence can never retract.

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere...

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke...

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And...

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And...

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

The optimist thinks that this is the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you...

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers.

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.

Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a source of...

Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a source of...

'Tis better that a man's own works, than that another man's words should praise him

'Tis better that a man's own works, than that another man's words should praise him