Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

Quote by David Letterman

Topics: David Letterman Quotes

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were...

There is no off position on the genius switch.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Number one: Don't frisk me. Don't hurt me physically. Don't get anywhere near my neck....

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

Last night the United States dropped four 2,000 pound bombs on Saddam Hussein. I don't...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

It's so warm now, and Thanksgiving came so early - is it just me, or...

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has...

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and...

We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does...

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall...

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going...

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got...

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can't pronounce Schwarzenegger.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show...

Sometimes a concept is baffling not because it is profound but because it is wrong

Sometimes a concept is baffling not because it is profound but because it is wrong

For my name and memory, I leave it to men's charitable speeches, to foreign nations,...

For my name and memory, I leave it to men's charitable speeches, to foreign nations,...