Christmas = Gifts . Halloween = Candy . Thanksgiving = Food . New Years = Drinks . Valentines = Sex . Birthday = All Of The Above.

Topics: Holiday Quotes, Humor Quotes

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.

Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face...

Dear Sneeze, if you're gonna happen, happen. Don't put a stupid look on my face...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.

After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be...

After all, the best part of a holiday is perhaps not so much to be...

May the leprechauns be near you, to spread luck along your way. And may all...

May the leprechauns be near you, to spread luck along your way. And may all...

For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop...

For this being the holiday season everyone at the mall is pissed. Time to shop...

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time, a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into...

St. Patrick's Day is an enchanted time, a day to begin transforming winter's dreams into...

May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow. And may trouble avoid you Wherever you...

May your blessings outnumber the Shamrocks that grow. And may trouble avoid you Wherever you...

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than...

When the boss is a way, work becomes a holiday.

When the boss is a way, work becomes a holiday.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up they have no holidays.

All journeys eventually end in the same place, home.

All journeys eventually end in the same place, home.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.

But it was this tough little character part that I was playing, a very funny...

But it was this tough little character part that I was playing, a very funny...

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All...

There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All...

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good...

The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good...

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for...

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for...