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Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.

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Life's hard. It's even harder when you're stupid.

'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

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'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

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You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

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Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of'em are...

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead

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Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company

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Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

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Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

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My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.

Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad...

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Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad...

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

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All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.

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The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...

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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve...

Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

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Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?

Happiness is a warm puppy.

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Happiness is a warm puppy.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I...

Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

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Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on...

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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on...

If you want to feel rich just count the things you have that money can't...

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If you want to feel rich just count the things you have that money can't...