Quotes by Jack Handey

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

#Better Off Dead

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I...

#Better Off Dead

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

#Better Off Dead

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

#Better Off Dead

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then...

#Funny, #Happy

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh...

#Funny, #Happy

Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake....

#Weird Love

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

#Life, #Short