Quotes by George Carlin

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

#Free Thinking, #Independence, #Thinking

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

#Libraries

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

#Children, #Family, #Memory

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

#Movies

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

#Reason

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

#Singers And Singing

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

#Self-esteem

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

#Smile

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

#Church, #Humor, #Nations

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

#Solution

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

#Trade

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

#Suicide