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Egotism, n: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
#Ambrose Bierce
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
#Ambrose Bierce
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it...
#Ambrose Bierce
Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with...
#Ambrose Bierce
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend...
#Ambrose Bierce
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
#Ambrose Bierce
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
#Ambrose Bierce
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to...
#Ambrose Bierce
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes...
#Ambrose Bierce
Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.
#Ambrose Bierce
It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes...
#Ambrose Bierce
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if...
#Ambrose Bierce
Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is...
#Ambrose Bierce
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as...
#Ambrose Bierce
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
#Ambrose Bierce
Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care...
#Ambrose Bierce
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
#Ambrose Bierce
Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to...
#Ambrose Bierce
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