I am faster than 80% of all snakes.

Quote by Dwight Schrute

Topics: Dwight Schrute Quotes

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...

When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me...

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was...

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions. And I did...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing...

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

Would I ever leave this company? Look, Im all about loyalty. In fact, I feel...

My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.

My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man.

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat...

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects...

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I...

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammermercilessinsatiable

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Before I do anything I ask myself Would an idiot do that? And if the...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition wont...

Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th...

Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of Oklahoma! in the 7th...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy...

Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.

Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.