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You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show...

You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show...

You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church.

You should enter a ballpark the way you enter a church.

I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun...

I think about the cosmic snowball theory. A few million years from now the sun...

Kids don't learn the fundamentals of baseball at the games anymore.

Kids don't learn the fundamentals of baseball at the games anymore.

I'm mad at Hank Aaron for deciding to play one more season. I threw him...

I'm mad at Hank Aaron for deciding to play one more season. I threw him...

When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up. It's like the Constitution, which...

When cerebral processes enter into sports, you start screwing up. It's like the Constitution, which...

That was real baseball. We weren't playing for money. They gave us Mickey Mouse watches...

That was real baseball. We weren't playing for money. They gave us Mickey Mouse watches...

I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button...

I would change policy, bring back natural grass and nickel beer. Baseball is the belly-button...

You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show...

You take a team with twenty-five assholes and I'll show you a pennant. I'll show...

Most of the managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these...

Most of the managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these...

The only rule I got is if you slide, get up.

The only rule I got is if you slide, get up.

That was real baseball. We weren't playing for money. They gave us Mickey Mouse watches...

That was real baseball. We weren't playing for money. They gave us Mickey Mouse watches...

You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The...

You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The...

Most of the managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these...

Most of the managers are lifetime .220 hitters. For years pitchers have been getting these...

The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he's going to be.

The more self-centered and egotistical a guy is, the better ballplayer he's going to be.

The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in...

The other day they asked me about mandatory drug testing. I said I believed in...

You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The...

You have two hemispheres in your brain - a left and a right side. The...

Tooth decay was a perennial national problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients,...

Tooth decay was a perennial national problem that meant a mouthful of silver for patients,...

You can kill the body but not the spirit.

You can kill the body but not the spirit.

It happens very rarely, but when it happens it's worth waiting for, that the instrument...

It happens very rarely, but when it happens it's worth waiting for, that the instrument...