My breath is offensive to my wife; I am loathsome to my own brothers.

Quote by Job 19:17

Topics: Funny Quotes

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have...

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have...

I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

I have a theory of relatives, too. Don't hire 'em.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

Watch the costs and the profits will take care of themselves.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

Dear Google Maps, your estimated time of arrival is my time to beat.

Dear Google Maps, your estimated time of arrival is my time to beat.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.

Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

Dont complain about the snow on your neighbors roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was...

CUPID, n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead...

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead...

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.