Make as many New Year's resolutions as possible so you have lots of future failures to choose from.

Topics: New Year Resolutions Quotes

This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate.

This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate.

I probably shouldn't be making any new resolutions this year...mainly because I'm still working on...

I probably shouldn't be making any new resolutions this year...mainly because I'm still working on...

New year resolutions usually amount to nothing. Instead, set a goal and work towards it.

New year resolutions usually amount to nothing. Instead, set a goal and work towards it.

I will stop peeping into my boyfriend's female friends profile on facebook.

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing,...

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing,...

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you...

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you...

May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions!

May all your troubles last as long as your New Years resolutions!

People make resolutions to change themselves in the new year but what good thing will...

People make resolutions to change themselves in the new year but what good thing will...

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are...

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are...

Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body....

Dear God, my prayer for 2012 is a fat bank account and a thin body....

I will make it sure to give my wife a good night kiss whenever she...

I will make it sure to give my wife a good night kiss whenever she...

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty...

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty...

I will focus more on giving rather than taking.

I will focus more on giving rather than taking.

This New Year, don't make impractical resolutions like you'll stop smoking or drinking. Be wise....

This New Year, don't make impractical resolutions like you'll stop smoking or drinking. Be wise....

A New Years resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

A New Years resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

I hope the world ends in 2012 so I can't be held accountable for my...

I hope the world ends in 2012 so I can't be held accountable for my...

The old year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New...

The old year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New...

New Year's resolutions are pointless to cause most people only stick to them for about...

New Year's resolutions are pointless to cause most people only stick to them for about...