I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Quote by Will Rogers
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it......
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches
You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi...
Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely
Live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
Many only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with...
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for...
All I know is what I read in the papers
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to...
We know lots of things we didn't use to know but we don't know any...
Communism is like Prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work
Politics ain't worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and...
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to...
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works...