Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home.

Quote by Stephen Colbert

Topics: Decision Quotes, Press Quotes

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK...

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take...

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He...

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't trust books. They're all fact and no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

Fake news executives are nicer than real news executives, though real news executives are funnier...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

People are constantly saying, 'How's it feel to have such an impact?' I just want...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

I'm not a fan of facts. You see, facts can change, but my opinion will...

As God said to Job, Checkmate

As God said to Job, Checkmate

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to...