Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

Quote by Elayne Boosler

Topics: Elayne Boosler Quotes

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's...

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus...

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus...

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out,...

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a...

At your age The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble.

At your age The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.

I'm affectionately known by Elton John as either Sylvia Disc or the Bionic Christian.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

Anyone else feel kinda weird when your computer asks you if you would like to...

Anyone else feel kinda weird when your computer asks you if you would like to...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the...

The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.

The weather is like the government, always in the wrong.

Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are...

Age is not measured by years. Nature does not equally distribute energy. Some people are...

A man never knows how to say goodbye, a woman never knows when to say...

A man never knows how to say goodbye, a woman never knows when to say...

Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if...

Man's mind is like a store of idolatry and superstition; so much so that if...

Men seem unable to feel equal to women: they must be superior or they are...

Men seem unable to feel equal to women: they must be superior or they are...

Someone asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave...

Someone asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave...